Empowerment In 5 Easy Steps
Updated: Jan 22
People say empowerment is about self-discovery, emotional truth, and intellectual gain. Well, those people are wrong. Empowerment is about advertising your most valuable asset--your hotness--and garnering as much attention surrounding your sexual desirability as you possibly can.
Women are never going to escape the prying hands of the patriarchy by speaking, learning, and advocating. We’re going to fight the patriarchy by subscribing to it and then calling it feminism. Men will no longer sexually objectify us--because that’s not cool anymore--so we must do it for them. We have to use our physical bodies and sex appeal to get a lot of Instagram likes and YouTube views.
Anyone who tells you to have self-respect and move through the world with your thoughts and ideas is a woman hater. You can only express your thoughts and ideas if they are paired with partial nudes and duck-face selfies. You are a woman! Nobody will listen to you if you have your clothes on! So do your due diligence, get naked, and wiggle it around.
Being hot is our PURPOSE, our PASSION, our POWER. Not to mention, a big help to the economy. Corporate America (run by men) depends on your financial contributions to the beauty industry. It is only when we step into our power (being hot) that we will gain social, economic and political equality.
Empowerment is all about confidence and since you have none, it will be important to drink as much alcohol as possible. Alcohol, if paired with tight, revealing clothes, will make you feel confident. You’re going to make a lot of mistakes when you’re drunk, so it’s important to self-medicate. That way you can numb yourself to any real feelings you have and continue galavanting through your life with #noregrets.
BECOME THE DOUCHEBAG
For years, men have had the sexual upperhand. They’ve been the choosers of who they’re going to ask out, how they’re going to make a move, and, inevitably, when they’re going to ghost you. Enough is enough! You need to ghost the man before he can ghost you. Bait him with pics and texts that convey interest and then, after you sleep with him, ignore all his messages. Respond to his IG stories a couple times a year so that he can’t forget about you. Dating is all about power and manipulation.
POST PARTIAL NUDES/SEDUCTIVE SELFIES
Your best asset is your appearance. Specifically, how desirable you appear to men. The more men want to have sex with you, the more empowered you are. You must fill your(pussy)self up with as much attention from men as you can, to avoid any feelings of insecurity or loneliness. Post pictures of yourself in front of a mirror, either in a bikini or lacey underwear. Be sure to pout your lips, suck in your stomach, and lean forward to show cleavage. It is powerful to post jack-off material on the web because when a man is jacking off, you have him in your power. Duh.
WHORE TO MADONNA
The Madonna-Whore Complex will work in your favor, if you play your cards right. Empowerment is all about fucking dudes casually, in private or public places, and telling everyone you’re super #noregrets about what you did because #sexualliberation. But make sure to follow up with the fact that you’ve slept with less than 10 guys. It’s all about seeming like a whore, but then telling everyone you’re a Madonna. **could also post titty photos on IG with bible quotes and/or post ass pics with captions about how much you’ve been studying. Be sure to play into both male fantasies! You are both the Madonna and the whore!
LOOK AT ME!
Empowerment is all about being the center of attention, sexually. Being the smartest person in the room is a waste of your time. Nobody cares about brains, they care about boobs and butts! You want to post images that scream, “LOOK AT ME!” If you can garner praise and attention for your looks, you’ve won. No need to hope that somebody will notice you, make them notice you. And nothing will get you more notice than your naked body. Use it.