Wake up at 6am because “gains.”
Put on Inside Lacrosse. Take a deep breath, inhale motivation, exhale negativity.
Visualize winning. Expel thoughts of losing. Expel failure. Expel bowels.
Admire naked body in mirror. Flex. Unflex. Notice the crazy difference. Jack off. Take a lukewarm shower. Tell coach you took a cold shower. He will be impressed. Also tell teammates and girls you sleep with.
Guys who take cold showers have bigger dicks… well, not during the shower--but, ya know, generally. Because people who can be cold are tough… and tough guys have bigger dicks. Ibsofacto: you are the man.
Brush hair. 100 strokes a day to keep the flow-a-flowing. Hat on. Hat off. Better to be cold and let the horsey mane shine. Remember, cold = bigger dick.
Sport a Nike getup procured from TJMaxx because Nike is pricey and all other $$ went to brewskies.
Hop on motorized scooter. Scoot to the gym. Women love scooters in Italy. This could be Italy. Here you will “gains” and have an orgy with your teammates.
Photo By: Kelly Balch